Law and Order - yes the TV show - was the first time I ever thought I could be a minister. I was living at my parents house after college kind of wondering, “Ok, what now…” I had studied marine biology - mostly so my summer internships could be spent on a beach - but that was a little hard to pursue back in Colorado.

I won't exactly say I regret my past. I will say there's plenty of it I'll probably never try again. Most of it, upon reflection, falls under the somewhat amusing category of "It seemed like a good idea at the time." This goes for jobs, relationships, personal choices, and decisions of all kinds.

Many years ago I heard prayer that I’ve never forgotten. It was 3am and I was sitting around a fire in the desert. I was praying with many other people in an ancient way over a silver bucket full of water we would soon drink. The prayer was for the water itself and it was prayed by a man who had been lovingly tending the fire for us all night.

Us humans have all kinds of pain, so we’ve invented all kinds of painkillers. Or so we think. There are of course the chemical painkillers, so useful after surgeries and injuries. Then there are the liquid painkillers, lovely after a long day’s work. And all of the emotional and mental painkillers, stashed neatly in little apps and beeps on our phones.

Ever gone back and read your journals? I generally avoid it because a) it can be a little cringy b) it’s mostly stuff that’s no longer relevant or c) it’s issues I’m still working on and I’m dismayed there hasn’t been more progress. That, and my handwriting isn’t great so it’s usually a tough exercise in deciphering scribbles.

Over the course of my strange and delightful life, the word 'God' has changed meanings many times. When I was young I mostly used my Mom and Dad’s definition of God which was basically the "Great Out Doors."  I remember the joy of muddy creeks, tide pools, mountain streams, campfires, and a big backyard full of raspberry bushes.

“Forgiveness, which takes you back to the person you were and lets you reset them. Hope, which exists in a future in which you are new. Forgiveness and Hope are miracles. They let you change your life. They are time travel.” - Kaliane Bradley

It’s been a while since I gushed on my primary partner, Jesus Christ (Don’t worry, my husband knows). Jesus accomplished a lot in his 3 or 4 short years of ministry. He was a teacher, a healer, a defier, a rapscallion, a delightfully funny avatar, and a truly powerful being. One of his two favorite things to do - the other being constantly eating - was to cast out demons.

There’s a curious phrase at the beginning of the 12th step of the [insert your drug of choice] Anonymous program. It says, “Having had a spiritual awakening…” and I didn’t even notice it until I was years into my recovery and finally at the 12th step with my sponsor. We were sitting in a coffee shop in downtown Denver talking about what it means to complete the steps.

To the left of the serpentine belt it said, “This drive belt keeps all your vehicle systems running. If it breaks, you will not go.” Now, me being a minister, I simply cannot resist a brilliant metaphor like that. I thought of all the ‘vehicles’ in my life and began to wonder about their serpentine belts, without which the thing would not go.

The most amazing thing I’ve learned in the past 10 years of being a minister/psychic/healer is that nobody’s doing it wrong. What’s the ‘it?” Well, life and everything in it, of course. Now this idea has come slowly and taken a long time for me to really believe. I can look around even today and be nearly certain that at least some if not most of these people are doing it wrong.

The morning of the wedding I committed to saying only the most true, most loving, most powerful words I could to each and every person I spoke with, from the catering staff all the way up to my husband-to-be. Luckily, speaking true, loving, powerful words is easy to do on a wedding day since that's kind of what the day is for.

Ever done a fourth step inventory in a recovery program? I’ve done a few at this point; they get more fun as you go along but they sure don’t start that way. The fourth step (“Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”) is intimidating as all get out and it’s the one where folks either dive in or stall out.

Forgiveness wasn’t something that even felt necessary before this. But slowly I realized that it was the narrow gate through which I must pass if I was to continue on in my spiritual journey. And damn I hated that.

I had the great privilege of working as a hospice chaplain right out of seminary. This was something of a crash course in ministry as there’s nothing quite like death to frame the truth of life.

For me, this Logos (which we translate rather flatly as the “Word”) is the unimpeachable divine sacred order of the Spirit of Life that fills the whole universe with Her melody. Whether you’re a quantum physicist, an ancient Boddhisattva, or a modern seeker you will know intuitively that the great frequency of the Universe is a song.

Every so often I’ll post something Christian on social media. I always aim to share some little tidbit of spiritual wisdom but I try and be judicious about the Jesus-specific stuff. Why? Because hell hath no fury like a Christian troll.

I love a good false idol. You know, the kind that seems like it can fix all your problems, like it’s got the answer you’ve been waiting for, like it’s some secret elixir that’s going to change your whole life…?

Honestly my plan was to just kind of fudge my way through the required Bible classes at my affordable Christian seminary then head across the street to the more expensive liberal pagan-ish seminary and take the really important classes like “Magic, Sex, and Liberation in Hindu Tantra,” “Revolutionary Witchcraft” and “Advanced Topics in Meditation.”

For many years I valued belonging over being treated well or being my full self. But eventually, as I started growing emotionally and spiritually, I would trade up these too-small agreements and find a bigger belonging….