From Fear to Protection to Permission
There’s a curious phrase at the beginning of the 12th step of the [insert your drug of choice] Anonymous program.
It says, “Having had a spiritual awakening…” and I didn’t even notice it until I was years into my recovery and finally at the 12th step with my sponsor. We were sitting in a coffee shop in downtown Denver talking about what it means to complete the steps.
She had just handed me a small rock that said ‘This Too Shall Pass’ and asked me what I thought might be my spiritual awakening. When I looked confused - not uncommon in those days - she opened the Big Book and pointed to the page that listed the steps.
“Right here, Cindy. It says you’ve had a spiritual awakening. So what do you think yours is?” she said with a wink and a very loving smile.
I was kind of stupefied that I had missed this line for so many years, and even more surprised that I actually had an answer.
"I’m not afraid anymore,” I said. My sponsor just smiled and told me congratulations on working all twelve steps.
Now, this isn’t a perfect spiritual awakening. I am still occassionally afraid of some (many) things, primarily other people. And for a long while before I started any kind of spiritual work, I just lived in fear of others as if it was no big deal.
I’d wear dark sunglasses everywhere so no one could tell if I was looking at them, then avert my eyes anyway if they happened to glance my way. I’d try to socially dominate any room, party, meeting, or dinner I went to so everyone knew they shouldn’t mess with me.
But I’d also turn down invitations to go meet new people and be annoyed if there were *gasp* interlopers in my social circle, especially if they seemed to be comfortable with themselves.
Need a fast track through fear into love? TL;DR check out my new How to Lead Ceremony course here for all my best teachings on how ceremony clears away fear and opens the portals to love.
Of course despite all my precautions I was eventually hurt by people I loved, which made me all the more fearful.
But somehow I got sober (in a few different ways), found teachers who could address my fear, and slowly developed new tools to protect myself and have much better boundaries than I ever knew possible.
In the last few years I’ve been studying intensively with the Boulder Psychic Institute and have learned so many tools for keeping myself safe and protected. One of their main teachings is what’s called the protection rose. You energetically set up a rose about 2 or 3 feet in front of you and, with a little tweaking and programming, it will protect you from any bad energy headed your way.
Now it sounds a little woo, even to me, but I’ve seen it work in real time. And so after I learned how effective it was I went ham on the protection rose vibe. I set up extra roses, giant intimidating roses, thorny roses, roses that completely blocked someone’s view of me, and even roses with little wasps inside for people who got too close. Don’t worry, I’ve already paid back that karma.
In other words, I was still afraid.
At a certain point in the psychic training, they instruct you to switch your protection rose to a permission rose. I was like, oh HELL no. How am I supposed to stay safe if my rose is granting permission for people to come near me?!
But my curiosity got the better of me and so I stayed to learn what a permission rose is really all about. It’s not ‘permission to hurt me and mess with me.’ Or ‘permission to judge me and attack me.’
A permission rose means "‘permission to watch this miraculous being go about her work without interfering.’
In other words, permission for me too; to heal, to grow, to explore, to interact, to learn, and to be totally totally totally unafraid. The completion of my 12th step and the permission rose training have woven together in the time since and I’m beginning to have some inkling of just how spiritually asleep I really was.
I’m not saying I’m totally awake now, but I’m starting to blink my eyes open into this loving, supportive universe. I can sort of see and feel what the great masters have said all along; that the glue of the universe is Love itself and that it is our only and true reality.
What I’m really learning is that the best ‘protection’ I could ever have against all that I fear is an unguarded heart filled with healing freedom and true permission for myself and others to have this miraculous unfolding of life.
May your permission rose be strong and bright and may we all grow through love.
The third leg of my transforming-fear-into-love stool has been ceremony in all it’s forms. Read more below or if you’re ready for more spiritual permission today, you can enroll here.
WHAT’S INCLUDED?
⫸ 3 months of in-depth teachings offered in person in Denver and virtually
⫸ 6 two-hour modules covering core teachings, multi-modal learning, Q&A, and direct engagement with peers and facilitator
⫸ 6 downloadable practica for you to try your new skills
⫸ 3 one-hour mentorship calls for individual support with an option to add more for $100/session
⫸ 3 Teachings from guest instructors with diverse techniques
⫸ 12 weekly emails to keep you tapped into the course
⫸ Journaling workbook to discover your unique ceremony style and medicine
⫸ Private Facebook group to collaborate with your peers, Rev. Cindy, and other instructors
WHO IS THIS COURSE FOR?
⫸ Therapist and coaches who do individual medicine sessions with clients
⫸ Psychedelic medicine carriers and other psychedelic professionals who want to host high integrity circles for deep client healing
⫸ Yoga teachers who want to bring more depth to their classes
⫸ Breathwork facilitators who want to use ceremony tools for greater healing with their participants
⫸ Somatic practitioners and body workers who are ready to integrate ceremonial healing techniques into their sessions
⫸ Those who feel a spiritual calling to lead ceremony
⫸ Those who want to live ceremonially, not just ‘do ceremony’
⫸ New and experienced practitioners alike who want deep integrity and power woven into every ceremony they offer
Head on over to the website to learn more about what I’ll be teaching, our guest instructors, course practica, and more.
If you have questions about whether the course is right for you, book a 15-minute Complimentary Call so we can make sure you feel ready to enroll.
Enjoyed the blog? Please take 5 seconds to forward it to someone who would benefit. I put hours into each one and my favorite folks come via word of mouth. It’s the easiest way to support my work!
New Here? You can find lots more on my Instagram, all past newsletters on my Blog, and lots of services on my website included Clairvoyant Counseling, Courses, and Teachings.
Artwork? Top image is by unknown. Other images are mine because I’m a Canva expert these days and currently obsessed with rainbow gradients. God bless.
