Do You Know the Rules of Belonging?
Belonging Starts as Soon as We’re Born
There are all different kinds of groups I’ve belonged to over the years. First, my family. Then, my kindergarten classroom. I’ve belonged to sports teams and art classes. I always like to belong to the Bad Kids Club because you usually meet some interesting folks there.
Eventually I found spiritual belonging; as a seminary student, as a staff chaplain in the hospital, as part of leadership for a church, and in general as a spiritual seeker with other seekers.
Sometimes the rules of belonging are very clear, even written in contracts. Show up this date, complete these courses, preach these sermons, and we’ll send you money or a degree in exchange.
More often the rules are not written.
I’ve learned this the hard way and I know I’m not alone. I’ve been in groups where I’m certain I belong until I love the wrong person then I discover there are very severe social punishments for that.
I’ve been in groups where I thought truth-telling was encouraged until I told the wrong kind of truth. You know, that thing you’re not supposed to speak about no matter how stupid or harmful it is.
I’ve been in relationships and friendships where for years I agreed to some pretty terrible rules of belonging and let people insult me, treat me horribly, flake on me and just generally be an asshole. And I agreed to our unspoken rule to let them do it with a smile on my face. I think they call that Codependency…
Ever gone through the process of getting ostracized and suddenly not belonging? Ouch! Let’s take a look at that and heal that up in a Clairvoyant Counseling session.
Widening the Road of Belonging
For many years I valued belonging over being treated well or being my full self. But eventually, as I started growing emotionally and spiritually, I would trade up these too-small agreements and find a bigger belonging.
Sometimes it took what I call a ‘Spiritual 2 x 4’ to the head to pop me out of these communities; a messy breakup, catching someone gossipping visciously, or simply moving to a new city and losing touch.
But I’ve begun to be very intentional about my belonging agreements these days. I’ve realized that belonging is not actually something that can be revoked, not in the true spiritual sense. And over the years I’ve discovered many flourishing communities where belonging itself is a Broad Highway, big enough for all of me and more.
I’ve even discovered that when I belong to myself and to Spirit first and foremost, I carry a kind of belonging with me that I can offer to others; the validation of self-belonging.
To get you started on your own belonging, here are a few modalities whose Rules of Belonging I rely upon.
Family Constellations Rules of Belonging or “Orders of Love”
Belonging: All who belong to our family have the same right to belong.
Hierarchy/Order of Arrival: Everyone in the family takes their rightful place, which is theirs alone. This order of precedence is a hierarchical order. The order of precedence is determined by the time of belonging. Those who were once a member of the family take precedence over those who came after them. Thus, the parents come before their children, the first-born child before the second, and so on.
Reciprocity: This allows life to flow and life and love thrive when there is a healthy exchange of giving and receiving. Many of us have been led to believe that giving is more precious and honorable than receiving and that could not be further from the truth. When we receive, we honor the giver’s life and enable them to fulfill their purpose. When we are not willing to receive, we deny others the possibility of being in service and we behave as if we are self-sustainable and we do not need to be interconnected with the rest of life.
(From Sophie Hellinger co-founder of Family Constellations and Natalia Blagoeva)
Need to take a look at your own personal rules of belonging? Let’s get some clarity on that in a Clairvoyant Counseling session.
Internal Family Systems Rules of Belonging
The various ‘parts’ of our personality - especially the ones that cause us the most trouble - not only belong within us but are actually the keys to our liberation. This includes the exiled parts who are the most wounded inner-children whose existence and needs we often completely ignore.
There’s also the manager parts who can be highly critical and controlling like a micromanaging boss. Then there are the firefighters who put out the fire and help us avert a crisis. Except that crisis is often very important emotions or memories that we need to heal but the firefighter prevents us from even feeling.
Basically I love this system because it says unconditionally that all parts not only belong but are necessary to integrate into our inner community of being if we hope to be truly well.
Jesus’ Rules of Belonging
And finally, Jesus’ rules are the simplest and clearest of all; everyone belongs.
He spent much of his ministry showing over and over how he believed and practiced this in every cell of his body and wanted us to practice it too.
I use all these teachings and my own personal experiences with belonging (and having my belonging revoked!) in each and every session I offer. If you’re in need of some healing on clarity on all this, book a Clairvoyant Counseling session and let’s get you back in your spiritual seat of belonging.
Join us at Sakala March 23rd 4-7pm for this practical hands on one-hour workshop followed by a shamanic healing clinic. In the workshop we’ll focus on healing via the primary body’s channels. This workshop will be both live and recorded.
These channels have many names including:
stomach/spleen meridians
kidney/bladder meridians
conception/governing meridians
earth and cosmic channels
the original ‘stick figure’ blueprint
the pingala/ida/sushumna nadis
and more!
These channels are an excellent place to start whether you’re healing yourself or working with someone else. They can hold emotions, mental stories, or spiritual blockages. Knowing how to effectively clear them will provide a major power boost to any healing you do with yourself and others. In fact, most of the healing can be accomplished by working solely with these channels.
Who is this workshop for?
Energetic healers of all kinds
Body work practitioners
Yoga and breathwork instructors
Medicine facilitators
Self-healers
After the workshop you’re invited to stay for a healing with me or one of our other two talented healers - Jimi Brosius and David Darling. All three of us are well-versed in clearing these channels using a variety of shamanic tools.
Healings with us also include chakra balancing, updating your energetic bodies to present time, resolving past-life karma, and preparing your energetic matrix for next steps in relationships, work, and health. Healings are 20 minutes for $20 and you can pay the healers directly via cash or Venmo.
We’ll also have practice stations set up for you to try the healing techniques taught in the workshop. Snacks and tea will be provided and you’re welcome to stay and connect with this beautiful community of healing practitioners.
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Artwork? Top image is from Angel in the Dark byJohn Speaker. Bottom image is currently a mystery! Do you know the artist?
