Forgiveness That Calls for Holy Courage
They say every preacher really only has one sermon. Mine is the endless mystery of forgiveness.
Most of my life I’ve clung tight to grudges, blame, and punishment (dear Lord, especially punishment). Being a human with a robust ego, I got the idea somewhere along the line that I knew better than anyone how the world should go.
I knew how people were supposed to treat me, what they were supposed to say and when, who they were supposed to be, and all the things they were never supposed to do, especially to me.
You can imagine my continual dissapointment then, when people almost always did the opposite of what I thought they should to do. Or even worse, they tried to do what they thought I wanted and still didn’t measure up in my book.
The truth is, the real problem was me, not them.
But of course, this took many years of therapy, sobriety, serenity, and healing to recognize. It took a few rock bottoms - both emotional and chemical - and many years and loving friends and family helping me along the way.
It took the slow gradual willingness to get completely honest with myself about a lot of things, but most importantly about what was going on inside me that seemed to make relationships in the external world so difficutly. Wanna know what my problem was? Fear, plain and simple.
Have a sneaking suspicion the problem is you? I’ve been there! Let’s take a look in a Clairvoyant Counseling session.
I was afraid of everything and everyone.
I was afraid people would judge me for what I wore, or said, or did. I was afraid of being left out and afraid of being included. I was afraid of making the wrong choice and more afraid of making the right choice. I was afraid to leave and afraid to stay. Fear, everywhere.
And I had a whole arsenal to cover up those deep fears; bravado, self-righteousness, isolation, alcohol and drugs, manipulation, anger, controlling behavior, you name it.
Suffice it to say that a life lived in fear did not end well. Yes I’m still actually living, but that part of me eventually died a fiery car crash death. Yeah, it was rough.
But the rebuild from the death of fear led me to Heaven on Earth.
I somehow knew intuitively that I couldn’t live in fear again. I don’t think I would have been able to articulate it at the time, but my spirit called for something different.
I got sober from alcohol, I started working with a good therapist, I cleaned up my relationships - letting most of them go and keeping the ones with my most kind and honest friends, and I began to learn what it takes to live a life free from fear.
Is there fear living in your system? It usually belongs to someone else. Let’s clear it up in a Clairvoyant Counseling session.
Eventually this path led me to the gates of forgiveness, for both myself and (gulp) others.
Forgiveness wasn’t something that even felt necessary before this. But slowly I realized that it was the narrow gate through which I must pass if I was to continue on in my spiritual journey. And damn I hated that.
I discoverd that of all the things I had ever been afraid of, forgiveness was the biggest. Why? Because it meant opening my heart again, and there’s no telling what’ll happen when you do that!
Maybe I’d get hurt, or be judged, or misunderstood, or my forgiveness taken for granted. Maybe I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself and would have to live with those two warring dragons inside me.
Maybe forgiveness would make me a fool in the eyes of others. Maybe it would make me feel weak and humiliated. I didn’t know but I knew I had to try. I couldn’t live in the prison of fear anymore.
Little by slowly, I began to forgive and quickly realized what a profound mystery it really is.
I learned first of all the forgiveness isn’t something I can do myself. All I can do is prepare the ground of my being for the gift of forgiveness to be granted from Spirit. That’s where the courage comes in.
It took so much courage for me to keep a quiet, open heart when I wanted to blame and throw things and spew anger. But the great mystery of forgivness needs peaceful hearts.
I studied with my friend and teacher, Jesus, about his ideas of forgiveness. He continues to show me how great healing can only happen after I make room for great forgiveness.
My psychic teachers showed me how forgiveness “is for giving space” and how tight I can clamp down on people I don’t want to forgive. The solution, much to my chagrin, is simply to back off and allow people to be fully unequivocally themselves and withhold as much constraining judgment as possible. And then basically just mind my own business from there.
Need help giving someone some forgiving space? Let’s work on it in a Clairvoyant Counseling session.
In truth, forgiveness is merely the gate, not the end goal.
I’ve realized recently through the teachings of A Course in Miracles tht forgiveness is simply a correction of misperception. If I have the courage to forgive, I may begin to see the truth of our connectedness and realize that there was nothing to actually forgive in the first place. The act of forgiveness merely helps me correct my perception that my true self could ever be harmed.
Now that’s a big pill to swallow. And I’m still working on it in my heart because I really believe that I have actually been harmed by some people. But the greater truth is that my belief has been keeping me spiritually imprisoned.
So with you, reader, as my witness; I’m gathering my courage this morning to forgive it all, everything and everyone.
Yes I have fear of what may happen, but I have just enought courage to try. I invite you to enter that great mystery and grace of forgiveness with me. I invite us both to pass through the eye of the needle, that narrow gate, and discover what’s on the other side.
It just might be true freedom and the astounding gift of Heaven on Earth for all. I’ll meet you there.
In Spirit,
Cindy
Teachings and Workshops
HEALING THROUGH PRAYER AND PRAYING IN PICTURES - JULY 27TH 4-7PM
Spirit speaks in the language of pictures and though us humans need words to communicate, we can use those words to paint a picture of healing. This could include:
Describing a healthy flow of energy through diseased tissue
Calling in blessings of particular kinds of light
Opening pathways and removing obstacles for right work or a new career
Claiming emotional power and spiritual support for your healee
Releasing wounds and emotional scar tissue from the energy body’s matrix
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Artwork? Top image is unknown origin. Second images is by the French illustrator Moebius. Third image is me.
