Relieve Me of the Bondage of Self
This is the third newsletter I’ve written this morning. I’ve tried to write something spiritually instructive about how our identity is really just a pattern of energy created by our habits. I’ve tried to write something hopeful about how to fight fascism. And I’ve also checked out my other newsletter drafts to see if there’s anything good in there.
But nothing is quite sticking. Why? Because I just need to share the message that I actually need to hear this morning.
Anyone ever lived with addiction?
I have. It’s pretty intense. It’s demoralizing, bewildering, and as they say in the rooms; cunning, baffling and powerful. The crazy thing about addiction is that the chemicals/pills/liquids/people are actualy my best solution for the addiction itself.
In other words, the alcohol isn’t the problem. It’s what comes before the alcohol (hard feelings, fears, pain) that’s actually the heart of addiction. And there’s always another substance/habit/obsession lined up as soon as you kill the shark circling closest to the boat today.
So what are my current addictions?
Screens of all kinds. I want to turn off the TV, put down the phone, look away from the tablet and I literally can’t. Fast foods, processed foods, sugars of all kinds. Inertia and being sedentary. Isolation; oh my Jesus I am addicted to isolation.
And my current biggest addiction of all; the news. Why am I addicted to the news? Because if I read and watch and click on all of it then maybe I’m sort of almost kind of hopefully in control of a world that is losing its goddam mind.
In other words, there’s a lot of pain out there and it’s growing and I really don’t want to feel it.
SEPTEMBER SPECIAL: BEAUTY STANDARDS
The monthly special for September is “Beauty Standards.” Let’s clear up any and all painful stories about body shape, fashion choices, hair and makeup, class and race perceptions, and more. Not just for female-bodied folks! Beauty standards affect us all.
Book this special if you want a cleaner, more authentic, more loving relationship with your physical body and the beauty you actually want to carry (hint, hint; the beauty of Spirit Herself).
$50 for 30 minutes, no limit on uses
Is there a solution to addiction?
Yes, but no addict ever likes it. The only solution is to surrender to Spirit. As in, I have to give up all my little ego machinations, all my ideas of what my life should be like, all my plans and hopes and dreams that I think I NEED to have and sign it over into God’s custody. Addicts hate this because it’s scary as fuck.
If I turn over everything I’ve been working on for a very long time - all my little schemes n’ dreams - then who’s gonna make sure I’m taken care of? Who’s gonna make sure I get mine?
But this is where the miracle comes in.
I’ve heard people say that addiction is giving up everything for one thing. And recovery is giving up the one thing for everything. When I stay in touch with Spirit, when I keep asking Her “How can I be of service - not to myself - but to others”, and let go of everything else…well somehow sobriety returns.
Somehow I can put the screen down, eat the vegetable, and spend time peacefully staring at a sleeping cat instead of desperately numbing and distracting myself from…everything.
Who else has read Elizabeth Gilbert’s All the Way to the River? (Do it!)
Well actually I listened to it on Spotify. It’s extremely raw and has already garnered all kinds of praise and criticism, rejection and epiphany, total dismissal and total embrace, just like any addict.
I’ll let you decide for yourself but I want to finish by sharing part of a prayer Gilbert writes in a very short chapter of the book titled “Relieve me of the Bondage of Self.” May it somehow relieve you of anything keeping you in bondage today and restore you to beautiful crystal clear sobriety of all kinds, ready to face the painful things in this world with a clear mind and open heart.
——-
Dear God,
My grief is killing me and my opinions are killing me too. And my resentments are definitely killing me, multiple times a day just for fun. My desires keep landing me in ditches tits up with mysterious lumps on the back of my head.
My demand that all the world’s dilemmas be solved by the end of business day yields a fresh new crop of insanity every 24 hours, and I keep the keys to hell on a chain called righteousness that I wear around my neck like dog tags.
Meanwhile You just keep letting everyone do whatever the fuck they want to do apparently, and You keep killing off the good people and leaving the assholes behind. Or allowing the good people to turn into assholes; even worse.
And You have outfitted each one of your earthly children with some sort of frequency blocking device that prevents people from following my edicts. Even though I am always right and I absolutely know what’s best for everyone.
Oh Lord, please help me.
God I am weary of being myself and it appears that You will not allow me to be You no matter how hard I try. So where does that leave us; You the mysterious creator of all things, me the ladies and gentelmen of the jury.
I sit on the banks of your river and take off my shoes. Mother of everything, teach me the rules.
Plastic, moss, and mud all around. Cloud cover, telephones, leaves. A passing plane, a dog that limps, show me, show me, show me how to live. Now I hear Your sparrow, now I hear Your crow, now I hear Your traffic on the high bridge overhead.
You’re just letting all this happen aren’t You? Letting it unfold like an opening hand despite my resistance, without my command.
ENERGETIC HYGIENE AND BOUNDARIES
OCT. 19th - 2-3:30pm at Tula Hot Yoga in Denver
There's so much energy flowing around us all the time! We can walk into a party, a business meeting, or a public marketplace and be surrounded by other people's emotions, fears, hopes, desires, family dynamics, biases, and more.
But did you know that just because energy is active in the room, doesn't mean you have to automatically allow it into your personal space?
This practical one hour class will teach you how to energetically 'own' every room you're in, how to work with elementals and allies for protection, how to increase awareness of other energies in the room, and how to create space for yourself while honoring and blessing others around you.
Tickets are $25 and can be purchased below.
COMING SOON! MARY, MASTER OF LIGHT
Digital Advent with Mother Mary
We sure could use some light in the world right now. And there was no one better at manifesting light than Mother Mary. I mean, have you seen how bright Christ Consciousness is?!
Join us this year for Digital Advent with daily prayers, thrice-weekly teachings, guest theologians, and simple practices designed to help you embody the wisdom and power of Mother Mary herself.
Early Bird enrollment is October 15th-31st - $99
Regular enrollment is Nov. 1st-30th - $129
Sign up below to get on the list for the Early Bird Enrollment announcement and feel free to ask any other questions too.
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