Let’s Just Assume I Always Need Help
I’ll be honest, I’ve delayed writing this for months now.
When I first wanted to write about needing help I was like, all humble and grateful for some big help I’d just received. Then by the time newsletter day came around I was stepping back up to the horse and thought, “I’m actually doing ok, maybe it wasn’t so bad.”
Then a few weeks later I had gotten myself in a karmic tangle with a boss (what a doozy, but it was over quickly!) and needed some desperate help forgiving her, primarily so I’d never have to tangle with her again in this life or any other.
(To this day anytime I think of her I psychically shout I FORGIVE YOU COMPLETELY GO AWAY! It seems to have worked.)
But then sure enough as soon as I found two new jobs with great bosses, I was like, “Pfffft I so got this.”
The ups and downs continue though. One day I’m life-hacking my to do list, paying bills early, walking 10,000 steps before noon, and still showing up for a distraught friend that night. The next day I’m in tears over the insane clutter of a half-finished house where I’ve been walking by detached baseboards and open walls for 11 months.
My huband is great at asking for and receiving help. Me, not so much.
For all you armchair psychologists and astrologers out there; I’m the high-acheiving, book smart eldest child of a Jewish American family with Puritan and Quaker ancestors way back, and bootstrap immigrant ancestors not as far back, many of whom came through Ellis Island with astounding courage and speaking no English at all. In other words, I must not fail!
Add to that a Virgo sun and Virgo rising, Enneagram 8ness, intense scholarly habits, plus being raised by a feminist attorney mom who supported my dad through grad school when I was younger. And years in the 12-step programs where one of the main principles is to be ‘self supporting through our own contributions.’
Is it any wonder that I can do it all myself?!
Except I really, really can’t That’s been the slow unlearning of my adult life. At first it sucked and I felt like a failure, but now it feels fantastic.
In fact, this has been one of the most surprising findings of my spiritual study the past few years. As you know, I’ve been deep diving into Hindu traditions, Sanātana Dharma, guru-based teachings, and the metaphysical root of the Gospels.
All of them eventually describe our profound helplessness in the face of this world, and our utmost dependence on Spirit, Christ, and the Eternal Divine. Not in a like, 'Take Jesus as your Lord and Savior’ way, but more like, ‘Wouldn’t it be nice to have some help from something/someone who can do for you what you cannot do for yourself’
Sometimes the help shows up as a Christ, but more often it’s the people around me and the Earth herself.
My job, my actual only job, is to ask for help. Sounds simple right?! But maybe you’re like me and it’s taken 40+ years to realize that asking for help isn’t weakness, failure, or proof of unworthiness.
Asking for help is actually a strength! I know, I’m shocked too. But I have actually discovered that even Jesus asked for help. Even gurus have a guru. And that help is most often as simple as a friend answering the phone, or the earth inviting me to sit by the stream for a bit.
So! With no further ado, let’s just assume I always need help.
Here are the things I currently need help with in no particular order:
This enormous yard! What do we do? Flowers, weeds, veggies, orchard, mulch? Oh geez where to even begin
Along that line, do I need to figure out how to grow food for the apocalypse?
Picking up all the trash and detritus on our land from years of farming, plus the hoarder who owned the property before us
So many little building projects; a new deck, trellises for morning glory flowers, a stone patio so I can sip coffee and wave to the kindergarteners who walk by my house on their way to the creek, replacing vinyl countertops with butcher blocks so I can cook big meals with my friends, installing stone around our woodstove so we can all sit by the warm fire in winter, SO MANY PROJECTS, HELLLLP!
Learning how to use a circular saw, and basic woodworking in general (see above)
Having fun! I’m way too serious
Self-forgiveness
Phone addiction, that shit is real and scary
Finding a new spare tire (mine was stolen and it feels kind of hard to find one with the right size wheel and all that)
Rebuilding a social life that feels sweet and is full of belonging - since the pandemic I’ve totally become one of those hermits
Taking actual weekends with real rest and true play and having work-life balance
Healing my inner teenager so she doesn’t run rampant after 9pm and insist on partying til way late watching movies and eating snacks til exhaustion
Making a few ooooooold amends that I feel really embarrased about still
Finding time for art, singing, and sewing weird wall quilts (craft buddies, anyone?)
Remembering to enjoy the summer outside and not just watch it out the window
Aging well through knowing myself and my needs, not at the recommendation of an influencer trying to convince me to buy their protein powder (I was almost convinced)
Finding courage, equanimity, and hope in the face of what’s happening around the world and in my own country
Keeping my commitments to myself and others and becoming a woman of my word
Doing more preaching and teaching! This is super fun for me, call if you have an opening!
Telling my friends more that I love them and pray for their success always in all ways
Loving with more gentleness and spaciousness
Learning with more open-hearted curiosity, especially about people and their struggles and triumphs
Living with the ease and grace of a soul who remembers she’s just here for the jokes and the roses
Staying in wise humility and gratitude so it’s never too hard to ask for help
Anyway! What do you need help with? Maybe I can help, but if not at least you’ve asked and that’s the most powerful thing you can ever do.
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