Gratitude is More Than Attitude

There’s a little trick I’ve been taught for how to handle resentments. You pray for them; specifically you pray for them to have what you want in life. For me this sounds something like,

“Spirit, bless this person with a lobster dinner. Turn all the lights green on the way to their surprise birthday party. Put a couple hundreds down on the sidewalk where they’re walking today. Let them be greeted by three of the friendliest, softest, wisest dogs they’ve ever met as they’re walking through Cheesman park on their way to a bbq picnic with their forever chosen family. Let there be Whole Foods tiramisu at this picnic, and watermelon basil salad, and perfect fried chicken, and puppies. Also, Spirit, give them perfect sleep every night so they wake up rested just 1 minute before the alarm. Let all their favorite episodes be streaming free. And give them free tickets to a comedy show. Finally Spirit, lift all grudges from their heart, give them a smile, let them walk free from any and every resentment that has ever held them hostage today right now.”

Usually it’s really hard for me to get going on a prayer this lush. Most days the best I can do is just, “Spirit, let them have a good day today.” But I find that if I can at least start with that, I have a chance.

The other thing that really helps me is gratitude, specifically being grateful for this person. Now if you thought praying for your enemies was hard, just try having gratitude for them. But what I’ve discovered is that it works. It shifts something. It reveals to me that old saying that my enemies are just my best teachers. Gratitude helps me open my heart again to the possibilities with this person in front of me. If I’m giving a gratitude prayer for my enemy it might go something like this,

“Spirit, thank you for this person in my life. Thank you for showing me where I still get involved in other people’s personal business and then take it personally myself. Thank you for showing me how much I long to be loved and how afraid I am that I never will be. Thank you Spirit for bringing this person into my life so I can get really really clear on what ‘acceptible behavior’ means to me.”

And so on. I find that as I pray, and as I realize the truth of my gratitude my body relaxes and I start to feel relief and even the possibility of peace. Why is this?

Well, physiologically, when we feel feelings like anger, resentment, bitterness, hatred, and fear we literally constrict. Our muscles tighten, our hearts draw our blood to the center of our bodies depriving our limbs, our vision narrows, we stop breathing as deeply, and our nervous system inches into fight or flight. In this state we literally have no space in ourselves for things like curiosity, wonder, or possibility let alone love, forgiveness, and compassion.

But when we have an attitude of gratitude our body loosens, blood flows, breaths deepen, and the nervous system relaxes creating greater energy flow and a wider space for us to have full emotions and full support. There is room for Spirit to flow in and help us see the bigger picture. With prayer and gratitude there is finally room for forgiveness.

So experiment with these states this week; resentment and gratitude, fear and love, constriction and expansion. Give yourself permission to be spacious. Give Spirit permission to come into that spaciousness and bring a new perspective.

Good luck on your prayers and many blessings on the path of the spacious heart. Amen.