Doubt is a Good Path to God

Christ is risen, halleluia! But what’s he up to now? Well wouldn’t you believe it, but he’s going around the countryside making special guest appearances to his various disciples and followers to let them know he was still kickin’ it.

I’m sure you’ll understand if these folks found it a little hard to believe that his promise of a luminous return was actually true.

In fact, there were plenty of folks who were busy doing the more practical thing - grieving - rather than waiting around to see some kind of mysterious resurrection that, honestly, didn’t really make that much sense anyway.

Regardless, Christ first appeared to the women at the tomb, including Mary Magdalene, who was courageous enough to look into his grave and see him and the angels. He then appears to two disciples on the road to Emmaus who didn’t even recognize him until he broke bread with them around a fire (hint, hint!), then vanished.

Finally Christ heads to a dinner party, obvi, where his disciples are milling about trying to figure out next steps. One notable absence from the party is Thomas, who later hears of this miraculous appearance and doubts it very much. Why does he doubt? Simple; because his grief is so great.

If you’ve ever had anyone die who you really deeply loved you’re familiar with the experience of thinking that you just saw them on the street. The immediate recognition followed by the truth rushing in and a pain greater than there was before. Even the disciples who did see Jesus had quite a fright, thinking they’d seen a ghost.

Thomas, in his grief, says the only way he’ll believe it’s Jesus is if he can actually stick his finger into the wounds, which is rather grotesque and I think proves his doubt sufficiently. It’s kind of like saying, yeah I’ll believe when pigs fly and poop bacon onto my plate. Sarcastic, in other words. And who isn’t allowed a little sarcasm in the midst of their grief.

But when they gather to eat the next week, again Christ appears. And what do you know, but he invites Thomas to do that very thing, place his hand inside his wound. In this moment, Thomas realizes this is indeed the risen Christ.

Now why does this matter so much? Well first, it’s worth noting that the only person to touch the risen Christ was Thomas. Even Mary Magdalene was forbidden. And why was he invited to touch? Because his grief and his doubt were so great.

In other words, it was doubt itself which was the doorway for Thomas to touch the body of God, to be drawn into the body of God. It was his heavily armored, sarcastic, grief-full doubt that opened that door to the sublime experience of union with the divine.

I also think it matters that it was a bloody, probably a few-days rotted wound that Thomas touched. Again and again, God shows us with the Christian mystery how profound and powerful the body can be.

Theseadays, people are called a Doubting Thomas if their faith isn’t strong enough (by our standards), if they don’t have enough certainty. But I point to this scripture every time someone rolls out the old Absolute Belief cart and buggy to remind them that doubt is sacred too.

So give your doubt room this week. Allow your skepticism to ask questions. Let yourself feel jaded in this rough world. Voice all your hesitations to whoever you want, for Spirit and all Her manifestations are listening, loving you, drawing near to you, and inviting you into their very being.